The first six months of Ollie’s life have been full of emotion and love. I always knew bringing a baby into the world would be big. But I never anticipated to be doing it during a global pandemic.
The timing of Ollie’s birth has meant that my introduction to motherhood has been a very solo one. Living overseas in Switzerland and away from both mine and Jase’s families in Australia has also made this time even more intense.
Jase and I have had to rely on each other like never before. There’s no family nearby and with Corona virus it’s also not a time we want to reach out for help from friends very often. And we do have some amazing friends who have helped in the ways that they can, so we are very thankful for that. Ollie has been looked after by people other than us for a total of 5 hours for his entire life. At this point we don’t know when Ollie will meet his grandparents and wider family.
So to say this has been an intensely emotional time with the loneliest of lows is an understatement. The sadness I feel because I am not able to share Ollie with most of the people who we hold dearest to our hearts is real. To know that his grandparents will probably never hold him as a baby breaks my heart for him and for them and to be honest for me too.
There are many moments you imagine you will one day experience as a parent and I’m still in the process of letting them go.
But I can also say that I’ve been stronger than I ever knew I could be. Motherhood has stretched my heart to a size I didn’t know was possible. It has pushed me physically and mentally to keep my cool in situations that used to have me a stressed out mess.
To know that Jase and I are Ollie’s entire world is truly something special. To know we are responsible for his happiness and health feels big, but it also feels meaningful. Not a day goes by when I don’t squeeze him tight and feel grateful to have him.
I cannot hold him close enough or kiss his cheeks too many times. No matter if he’s having a peaceful day or a day full of challenges my love for him never falters. Our bond is unbreakable. I feel as though we are tethered to one another – I imagine as a mama I will always feel this with him.
So Corona virus you may have stolen many moments from many people, but I’d do it all again for Ollie. I’d do anything for him. In my eyes he’ll forever be my baby bear.